Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby...
It
happened a little over than a month ago…
I
was in Goa; relishing a much awaited rendezvous with old pals from university. Braving
through a grand reception from a leaky sky and an amateurish hotel, we had embarked
in our journey – the holiday spirit played a good sport in keeping our moods
intact. August is hardly the time of the year levelheaded people visit Goa. Monsoon
being in full swing, tourism goes into hibernation. But then, we were all
coming together after almost 4 years and we were not exactly levelheaded
either.
The
city of revelers, India’s answer to Las Vegas; or so as is said about Goa. By
no norms whatsoever I can be classified as a reveler. But the thrill of getting
a taste of that parallel lifestyle which comes with a statutory warning; was
too hard to resist. It was like a teen-age ecstasy of trying out something forbidden.
The only anomaly is, I have crossed that age a long time ago.
A
good thing about holidaying in Goa is the place is known for its night life. You
won’t feel guilty if you’ve overslept and missed that early morning beach-walk.
Guilty feeling did not stand a chance with us though. We were immune to any
such emotion. The Goan skyline might have been hospitable enough to smile
through her monsoon veil to her unseasoned visitors; we hardly cared to notice.
We
had our first day lunch at a nearby beach-shack. It was then when I had my
first taste of alcohol.
Horrible
it was. It tasted like one of those acidic medicines straight from a doctor’s
prescription. My reaction also was nothing but complementary. I felt like throwing
up. I could even sense the grains of First Rice coming alive in my intestine
and demanding to let them see daylight. But then I remembered it was my money
and civility at stake; with great effort I hold my breath and gulped it down.
Nothing
can be more disappointing when you were looking forward to something so eagerly
and then when it actually comes, you realize this is somehow not the thing you
have wished for. In that moment, the mere thought of drinking alcohol seemed
more exciting to me than actually consuming it. The drink was a local
specialty; heavily diluted with Sprite. But the aroma was too strong. I poured
Sprite more and more and at the end what remained in my glass was only the soft
drink. But the damage was already done. It was certainly going to haunt me for
quite some time.
That
was not the only shock I had that day. Later, in the early hours of night we
visited a bar. It was not in my to-do list, but friends insisted and entry was
free for girls. Not that I knew these places have entry-fee, but the word
‘free’ had its effect anyway. At the entrance, the bar’s name was stamped on
our right hand wrists. It felt like this place is going to suck us in. I’d have
preferred an old-fashioned entry-slip instead.
We
went inside – the dance floor. And God, what did I see! This place had a DJ and
bartenders and bar girls and bouncers and what not! Of course it would have! It
was lame of me to expect anything else. I have heard about these people many
times thanks to movies and media, but it never really occurred to me that they
could be real!
It
felt like I am in a film set. The crowd was young; like us or a few years older
or younger. They were dancing to a peppy music, too loud to gather its meaning.
There was too much public display of affection all around. People here don’t
really bother who else are there and nobody actually cares what the couple next
to them is doing. These were a hell lot of visuals for someone for whom ‘Bigg
Boss’ is the most indecent TV serial!
I
stood rooted at a corner. There was a gap of only a few millimeters between me
and the wall. I could have easily been mistaken to be a lady bouncer or a cheap
onlooker. I realized I am staring and that’s rude. I should’ve danced instead. After
all, that’s what this place for. But how can someone just start gyrating out of
the blue! This place, the people and the atmosphere around here were so not my
kind. I feared even if I move a bit I will do something stupid. A helplessly awkward
situation it was. I started to feel uneasy. Finally one of my friends said she
wants to go out and I hurriedly followed her. What a respite it was! Even
though the open air lounge was heavy with smoke and smell of alcohol, a sigh of
relief came out unknowingly.
It
was only once I have been to a dance floor before. Well, it was not exactly a
dance floor. It was a college auditorium and we were having our annual spring
fest. All of us were dressed in our best attires; for me it was a neatly ironed
salwar suit, with a dupatta pined to it on shoulders; and we danced to the
tunes blurted out by a music band. It was so fun, spontaneous and cheerful.
This one inside this bar is also supposed to be spontaneous; but it felt so
intimidating and choky and so vulgar. Maybe I was not ready for it yet.
While
in school, I had set some rules for me which I vowed to follow strictly. It was
like a personal code of conduct. Over the years very few of them have remained
unbroken. Maybe someday I will be ready to fathom the eerie world of a dance
floor inside a bar. I wonder how transformed I’d be then.
Thrice
more I tasted alcohol during our stay in Goa. Partly because I wanted to
experiment and partly because I knew I might not get a chance again. Three
different varieties of it but all had that acidic odor of medicine, only in
varying intensity. People who are addicted to alcohol, are either really unhappy
or have uncanny sense of pleasure; I gathered.
Two and a half days of fooling around ended with warm hugs and greetings and longing to see each other again. We promised to each other, going forward we'll arrange a trip like this every year; a new place every time. But we are scattered across different cities now and nobody knows what the future has in store. The possibility of meeting every year seemed highly unlikely. But then, promises are meant to be broken and when they are not, they create unforgettable memories.
This
trip didn’t have a great start. There were many things that could have gone
wrong. I myself was not in a good mood. I wanted to have this trip to inhale
some fresh air away from everyday life. I had planned everything accordingly to
give myself some peace of mind. At the end, nothing went by my plan. But it
couldn’t have been better. The experiences with the bar and alcohol were not
pleasing, but were surely engaging enough to distract mind. That’s all
everybody expects in a holiday after all. To have a different take at life from
a different angle; so that when we get back on track, it doesn’t seem so gloomy
as before.
The
sip of sin was worth taken.
